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Perfectly Imperfect – A USA Collaborative Photoshoot

Earlier this year I was asked to take part in a collaborative photoshoot with photographers across America. One photographer from each state was represented, with me representing Connecticut, and we decided to focus on the theme “Perfectly Imperfect.” What this theme meant to each photographer was different and we were given the freedom to document it as we envisioned it. Being newer to Connecticut I was thrilled when another photographer in the collaboration reached out to me and gave me the name of an incredible woman who fit my vision perfectly. Shelly is bold, beautiful and greeted me with such warmth. I would never have imagined all that Shelly had gone through in her life or any of the insecurities she had felt in the past. I am so humbled to have her share her story with me and proud to share it with you here, in her own words:

“My name is Shelly, I am 33 years old from Connecticut and I have spent my whole life learning to accept myself living with a limb difference. I was born missing the lower part of my right arm – just below the elbow. It was unexpected as technology at the time was unable to detect this physical difference and in recent years I have learned it was most likely the cause of Amniotic Band Syndrome. While I do not let it define me and I do not consider it to be a disability, I have struggled continuously with insecurities because of it. I have an amazing, supportive family – my husband Mike, my children Hailey and Jackson, and my stepchildren Makayla and Tyler. I am a lover of animals and the outdoors and find peace in all things of nature. I’ve always lived by the motto ‘where there’s a will, there’s a way’ and have always been extremely determined to learn to do most anything that everyone with 2 hands can do. Although I am able to do most everything in my own way, until recently self acceptance had always been hard for me and I had never felt good enough, but when my son was born 3 years ago with a rare eye condition it gave me the motivation to work on my insecurities so that I would be able to show him how to embrace his own difference. In this time, I have learned that one of the most helpful things is hearing other people’s stories and finding comfort in knowing you aren’t alone. It is because of this that I was so thrilled to learn of this project and am so grateful to have this opportunity to share my story in hopes of helping others as well.

I grew up as an only child with amazing parents who always made sure I was never made to feel any different than any other child my age. They gave me constant support and the encouragement to always try new things. Their belief in me that I could do anything I set my mind to helped instill the belief in myself that I was just as capable as anyone else. Being born with one arm has definitely taught me determination and persistence. I’ve spent my whole life trying to prove that I can do everything that anyone with 2 hands can from the simplest things like tying shoes, braiding my hair, riding a bike, painting my nails, typing, carrying heavy things to learning to crochet, skiing, horseback riding, and raising my children. Being born this way did help because I knew no different so I just learned to do everything in my own way. One of the only things I haven’t been able to figure out how to do is the monkey bars but I always like to joke that I am going to figure them out one day! I remember getting so upset and frustrated if I wasn’t able to figure out how to do something by myself after a few tries but, I never gave up, I would just keep trying until I found a way. It was always disheartening if someone assumed I wouldn’t be able to do something and because of that I felt the need to prove that I could do things by myself without the help of anyone or anything. To this day I still do not like accepting help unless I have no other option. While I did try prosthetics in earlier years I never liked them and found them to be more of a hindrance. I am able to use my right arm to help with a lot of the things I do, but when the prosthetic was on it was always just in my way and took away that ability.

A few years ago I never would have thought I would find myself brave enough to share my story openly because I was so self-conscious and consumed by fear of what other people’s interpretations of me would be. Looking back now, I am ashamed to admit that most of my life I hadn’t wanted to acknowledge that I was different; I just wanted to be like everyone else, to not have to learn how to do things differently, to not worry about the stares and the assumptions. My whole life I even tried to hide my arm in public, in pictures, sometimes even around my friends. Though at times it is still instinct for me to attempt to hide, I am always making a conscious effort not to.  Previously, the idea of me putting myself out there in photos was unthinkable but this past year I have even found the courage to be seen on videos and have started a YouTube channel, We Are The Harpers, with my family.  Taking this step was a huge breakthrough for me and the support we have received has given me so much reassurance.  While working on embracing my own physical difference over the past 3 years I have had some uplifting experiences that remind me to be proud of being different. I found a lot of inspiration in meeting other people with similar limb differences and have even had the privilege of offering support and advice to some. For the first time I felt like I wasn’t alone, there were people who truly understood and could relate to the big fears but even to something so seemingly meaningless as not being able to do monkey bars. There have even been times that I’ve been told that I am inspiring to people which was initially very hard for me to believe. I wasn’t doing anything amazing or out of the ordinary but they saw more in me and in turn helped me to see more in myself. To be seen as inspiring for just being me, for just being different is pretty incredible – it gives me hope and makes me thankful for the differences that I was once ashamed of. I can only hope that by sharing my experience and feelings that others who may be struggling with the same insecurities will see more in themselves too.  I can honestly say now that I am thankful for being born this way because it has made me who I am, showed me how strong I can be and things that I can accomplish even when others doubted me, and it has taught me about differences and compassion in ways I sometimes wonder if I would have fully understood otherwise.  I am finally at a place in my life where I fully embrace my difference and recently have began a social media page, Inspiring Difference, with my friend Sarah to spread Limb Difference Awareness.  Our mission is to inspire and to give hope to others born with limb differences.  

Too often we waste so much time worrying about our image and comparing ourselves to others or to the pictures in magazines. Too often we find ourselves wishing to change things about ourselves, but the truth is that our differences are what makes us unique, what makes us beautiful. We are all different in our own way whether you can see it or not; but that should be appreciated, not hidden. We are all enough just the way we are – perfectly imperfect. I am just so thankful for the opportunity to be part of such an inspiring project and can only hope that my story will help to empower and show others that anything is possible despite any limiting beliefs.

~Shelly”

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© Aly Inspired Photography LLC. Old Lyme Connecticut Maternity, Newborn and Baby Photographer. Servicing all of Connecticut, Rhode Island and Beyond including:
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